What Are We Doing With the Extra $10?
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 by Zoomba | Discussion: Internet
Today we announced that the subscription price for WinCustomize was going to go up $10/year from $20 to $30. Now, of course we had to come up with a good justification for this, something that would fool the sheep of the forums into believing we did this for their own good and that they're getting the better end of the deal.
But, just between you and me? Complete BS.
As some of you may know, today's Angie's birthday, so as a gift the company bought her a new car...
So that would have probably accounted for a $2.50 increase per subscription, but some of us were looking at that car and asked "What about us?" After some haggling and stomping of feet and numerous rude gestures, we sold upper management on the idea of the Stardock Porsche Fleet...
Each, of course, added $2.50 to the unit cost of a WinCustomize subscription.
That's why the subscription is now $10 more per year. Gotta pay for the fancy cars!
Now, I know some of you are probably getting worked up about this turn of events, especially considering how we told you it was really about the free skins, and not the Porsche fleet. To calm your nerves, here's a serene picture of some geese...
That's right, here at Stardock HQ we have a fleet of Porsches AND cute little baby geese!
No kidding.
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Reply #82 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:19 AM
Would someone find whatever asylum left the door open so we can call them to come pick up their loonies?
Personally, I don't like posting satire under "humor," because I feel it takes the edge off.
I bought a fleet of cows instead of a fleet of cars. Sure deliveries were slower, but I thought I was helping the environment. Right? Then I got an injunction from the EPA saying all the methane from my cow fleet was driving up global warming. They slapped me with a huge fine. PETA sued me for hurting the cows feet by making them walk on asphalt instead of nice soft grass. The courts forced me to buy millions of roller skates so the cows could have an easier time. PETA wasn't happy and neither was I. The judge had a nice thick steak for lunch. Do you know how much outfitting all those cows with roller skates costs? I imported them from a third world country, but got sued by everyone under the sun for running sweat shops and encouraging child abuse. Some lawyer in Australia even told me if I didn't "opologize" (he said that was the correct spelling, no matter what we Americans thought) he'd bring the full force of Oz against me. In the end I couldn't afford all the lawsuits and was driven out of business. My cows were all sold off at auction. And that's how Ruth's Chris Steak House was born.
All that is to say, "Save a ton of money, stop child labor in third world countries, and prevent global warming: Buy a fleet of Porches."
And you good little sheep accomplish all that with a measly $10? Lucky sods.
Reply #84 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:37 AM
Good Morning!
I'm glad that the vast majority of you were able to quickly identify the joke. What was the first tip off? The heavy over-dramatic tone? The photo of Brad's porsche with Angie standing behind it? Perhaps it was the ridiculously arbitrary "cost" that made no sense? Maybe it was the really silly photoshop on the subsequent 3 photos with my, seabass and milksama's names edited in?
I bet everyone was fooled until the geese. I mean seriously, geese? Has to be a joke now right?
Or maybe it was pretty much the stark opposite of how we've always regarded site subscribers and our users (minus the belligerent ones, we have a low threshold for those) these many years. This actually reminds me of the time I made a Mac joke on the site and a few users acted like I had murdered their mothers.
Zoomba wonders when people lost their sense of humor.
Reply #85 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:41 AM
You're hungry aren't you? that's it, you're blood sugar is low and you can't concentrate nor create rational sentences.... you are really having trouble keeping food references out of your irrational whines.
I also have to wonder what internet site you purchased your law degree from... I don't want to shop there.
Reply #86 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:41 AM
Okay, so Bruce..... exactly what can you do about this? Cry a lil? To be quite honest, the fact that you allowed this joke to upset you so much is a little silly. What kind of lawyer are you? I'd hate to have to rely on you to keep a cool head in the courtroom!
On a more positive note, I think any sheep paid up through at least 2010 should get a car too. I don't really need a Porsche....I'll settle for a BMW. Red. 5-speed. Convertible.
With a CD/MP3 player, please.....
And I like my geese with a little basil and rosemary!
Reply #88 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:54 AM
I can only assume that you joking....especially when you made this comment:
But, just to be clear- implying that you will post warez to this site is never taken as a joke, and is grounds for removal from the site.
And, in case there is anyone left out there that doesn't have a sense of humor, I'll clear this up:
1) We like to poke fun at ourselves. We're worse than this in person.
2) I think the poorly photoshopped sign is a real giveaway. What is even funnier is that we had to take the picture twice because we spelled Porsche wrong the first time.
3) The Porsche was previously revealed: https://forums.joeuser.com/171074 It's the owner's Porsche. And, when you think of it, if the owner can't afford a Porsche, we're a pretty pathetic company.
4) Yesterday really was my Birthday. With that, it is typical of me to do something stupid because it's..well...fun.
5) The goslings (baby geese) really do live outside of Stardock. They are funny little buggers.
6) The subscription price has nothing to do with our silliness. We're providing 12 skins a year now, which have a total value of $60+ per customer. However, I rather have a Porsche.
Stardock will continue to have its sense of humor. If you are offended by obvious humor, this is not a place for you. 
Reply #89 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:57 AM
p.s. Happy Late B-day Angie. I'd draw something ,but my skillz suck... that's why you have Stardock Design.
Reply #90 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:07 AM
Don't tell me....you left out the 'c', right?....
Reply #91 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:30 AM
Kinda hard to commit a violent act in a forum!
Ouch! Hey you guys...that hurt! Anyone know a good lawyer?
"I am unsure as to why I should pay more just so you can have a fancy car"
Uh...you don't. See that little button that comes with your PC that turns it on? Push it and walk away...didn't cost you a thing...did it?
And if your a lawyer I'm sure your clients have asked you that same "I am unsure as to why I should pay more just so you can have a fancy car" question. Maybe you should lower your prices...ya think?
"Maybe I should post warez sites here.......... Let's see you laugh then."
Hmmm...sounds like your making threats to this company and conspiring to promote theft/piracy!
"I for one...expect an email from stardock... Apologizing for this piece of contempt."
Hold your breath....please!
"As a company you have shown a most unprofessional contempt for society."
Your a lawyer....so contempt for society is right up your alley!
But again...this was meant as a joke. Not contempt for society!
"Stardock should not allow little children to write such articles without experience in the consumer market."
Uh...They don't....but...they do allow them to read them! But only with parental supervision.
"I wonder how many others are as offended as I?"
Trying to drum up business? No ambulances or coffee spills to chase?
"Not one "official" representative has anything to say regarding their abusive PR? "
Because this was intended as a...J o k e....NOT PR! If you can't tell the difference your the worst almost a lawyer I've ever seen.
"Note ...... this transcript is a legal document."
Then maybe your threats of posting warez sites...promoting theft and piracy and denying this company of its income should be taken seriously?
Reply #92 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:32 AM
Ouch, guess I know where my company stands. I settled for a Nissan Titan. (I do have a nice boat though
)
Reply #93 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:40 AM
Hear hear!
Reply #94 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:49 AM
Actually, it isn't.
It's what is known in the field of Internet communications as a 'forum thread'. 
Reply #95 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:51 AM
Really though the responses were all at the midnight hour only minutes apart. Even if an apology or official response was warranted (though it is not because it is clearly a joke and we should hardly say we are sorry for trying to get people to laugh once in a while) we were all well asleep.
Now on a side note because I have nothing further to say on angry people, the angry geese did not want me in the building this morning. Five of them lined up to do battle with the Bass armed with ire and that odd cat like hissing noise they make.
Also once I got the Porsche I went out and Turismo...ed it. However I have further upgrades planned.....
Seabass doesn't get joo......(ellipsis)..........
Reply #97 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:55 AM
Edit/Add on:
Does this sound like a Master Card commercial?
Wincustomize: back rubs and catered lunches for Stardock......5 extra dollars.
Wincustomize: fleet of pretty cars that get 3 gallons to the mile but might move fast enough to travel back in time....10 extra dollars.
Wincustomize: killer satellite used to smite ones enemies.......15 extra dollars.
Smiting your enemies.... Priceless.
For all things mundane to world domination there is Wincustomize.
Reply #99 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 8:58 AM
Yay....I got mine...
Er....Karma....why is mine different?
Looks like it shrank in the mail....
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Reply #81 Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:03 AM